Today mommy is 18 weeks and 6 days pregnant with you – 22 weeks to go. I can’t believe we hit the 18-week mark already. It feels like just a little while ago daddy and I were at the doctor to confirm that we are expecting our tiny rainbow baby, YOU! The doctor said that he would like to see us around 20 weeks again, at that time it felt so far away and now, our long awaited for appointment is next week .. I literally can’t wait anymore.
We hope to find out if you are a little girl or boy when we go for the check-up. I told daddy that maybe we should insist the doctor not to reveal your gender and keep it as a surprise. Daddy said: “No, I want to know” straight away J – He is truly so excited and talks to you often.
I mentioned that you are our rainbow baby – The term rainbow baby may not be familiar to parents who have not experienced a loss before. But to those of us who have, it is a very deep and even a life changing significance. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn or neonatal-mor infant death. It is called a rainbow baby because it is like a rainbow after a storm… something so beautiful after something so dark and so heart-breaking (How beautiful is this?) Now my little angel I, your brother went to heaven way too soon and we lost another one of your brothers or sisters last year too. I will tell you all about your amazing big brother one day, I promise – but for now, just know you are truly welcomed with so much love my angel – You are our Rainbow!!
Becoming a mommy was such a lifechanging experience for me and I enjoyed being pregnant every time and feeling a little human grow. And now again, I love feeling you grow but, it’s like it is different this time, yes, I think it’s because I have had this experience before, but it’s like I appreciate every movement you make more in a sense. I have been feeling you dance around in my tum-tum more and more and daddy has felt you too. It is such an amazing event every time. I know that these movement will get more distinct in time, but for now, I really enjoy your 2.5cm little tiny feet kicking.
It’s because of all that has happened in the past that I have been having so much anxiety about everything. I just want you to be okay, I want you to live a healthy and long life. I want to hear you say mommy for the first time and experience all your firsts with you, I want to see you grow, I want to see you happy and become an exceptional young human. I pray that you everything will be okay; I believe that it will. I know that after we meet with the doctor, I will have even more reassurance again. Daddy tries his best to fill my thoughts with more positivity and he too says, that everything will be okay. You will be okay <3
I can’t wait to meet you my sweety.
Grow strong my angel – We love you so much.